You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize