dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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