weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So many bounce houses so little time
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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