I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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