My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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