so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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