HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
