Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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