Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As shirtless as possible
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
