He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize