I just pynch a tree in the face
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
