Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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