seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
