i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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