I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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