I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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