Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
