Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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