i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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