Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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