He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize