Betty ford says i'm here all night
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
