no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
