You really coming over, don't trick.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
