i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
vagina is talking i cant
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
