Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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