His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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