Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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