The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
