On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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