i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
