the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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