why didn't you poke me back
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
