i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize