i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
