Where is the hickey?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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