Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
