come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize