I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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