so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
