Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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