We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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