He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
