I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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