No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do vagina's smell?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
