I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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