he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
