You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
