oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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