wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
