as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish you could order shots online.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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