i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sponge bath it is.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
