So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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