she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
