dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
