I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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