During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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