i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
