Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
