When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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