listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
