so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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