you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
