let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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