I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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