Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
