Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
