Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
