Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
