ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize